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  • Writer's pictureAlana

29-30. Mother's Day in Albuquerque

Updated: May 19

May 12, 2024

Eight years ago today, I bought myself a Bianchi Intenso road bike for Mother's Day, rather than pay for another round of IVF.

The Bianchi, whom I named Brunita (the diminuitive feminine form of Bruno, of course), was far cheaper than IVF, yet far more expensive than I had ever imagined a bicycle of mine could be. With her trademark Celeste Green carbon frame and high-end Shimano components, Brunita was a welcome distraction from not getting to be a mom.

Giving up on dreams is painful. Replacing dreams is slightly less so. On one of my sallies atop Brunita, the idea of cycling around the world sprouted in my head. With no dependents, no need to buy a house in a good school district or save for college, and my body more or less intact (despite all the hormones and procedures), why not bicycle around the world?

I am not one of those blissful "childfree" women. I really wanted kids, in the plural. And though I am lucky to have a niece, nephew, and students who let me mother them, I am seldom more than two thoughts away from a good cry over my childlessness.

But this Mother's Day, in a funky hotel in Albuquerque, the sting of infertility isn't as deep. You can't run from your problems. But if you pedal far and long enough, they eventually blend into an overwhelmingly beautiful landscape.

1 comment

1 Comment

May 21

Wow, I did not not know this backstory of your bike. This must have been painful decision. And painful to share. Thank you for telling this story. Alana, your love of children is so strong and you have taken in so many children - from the Stanford students, to the highschool kids you mentor, to my sons who love visiting you with me - under your wing. All these young people are grateful to have you in their life.

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